Two Critical Communication Factors

Active listening

One of the greatest communication failings for most of us is we simply don’t listen. Listening is different from hearing. Hearing is the physical act we do with our ears; listening is a mental act we do with our brains.

So, what about listening? Many factors contribute to a person’s poor listening behaviour or habits. They include:

  • distractions in the environment
  • the other person’s body language
  • the history of the relationship
  • unresolved issues between the people involved
  • a lack of interest in the subject
  • the pace of the other person’s dialogue
  • a limited vocabulary for either person
  • the personal prejudices or judgments of either person
  • personality style differences

Any or all of these can get in the way of successful communication.

Observe the other person’s non-verbal messages while you talk with them. They will tell you whether they’re listening to you, or not.

If there’s any doubt that they’re listening, ask them a question concerning what you’re sharing in the middle of one of your sentences. If they don’t answer it, it may because they’re not really paying attention.

Ways to improve your listening skills:

  • stay focused on the other person
  • focus on their key or major points
  • control distractions
  • stay in the present
  • make lots of eye contact
  • pay attention to those things that draw your attention away from the other person and the message

Improved listening will have a tremendous positive impact on all your relationships.

Listening to others is one of the greatest compliments you can pay.

Hidden agendas

Every relationship has, to some degree, a hidden agenda. Things you don’t share because you want to avoid conflict, hurting the other person’s feelings, or just don’t want them to know what you’re really thinking or feeling.

People don’t always say what they mean or what they’re feeling. They hide their true attitudes, feelings, or issues.

If a relationship isn’t safe, and you don’t feel you can communicate what’s really going with the other person for fear of rejection, criticism, or any other negative response – you’ll edit your message.

Whether in a business or a personal relationship, too much hidden agenda is a sign the relationship is in trouble. If the difficult things you can talk about are increasing, the relationship is probably getting better.

What would be the advantage of getting rid of some of your hidden agendas? One of the major causes of stress is repressing feelings that need to be expressed.

What is a safe environment? It’s an environment in which you can be honest without fear of judgment, ridicule, criticism, invalidation, or delayed retribution.  If you’re fortunate enough to have relationships based on honesty, consider yourself blessed.  Most relationships have some areas that are avoided.

The best policy is to get these things off your chest. and sooner, rather than later.